Marty’s Tale—May 4, 2093
I awoke in a strange place, in the dark. The ground felt wet and sticky and the air was foul. I longed for the light and clear air. I felt unwell. Calling on the blessings of Atun I surveyed my surroundings to find that I was in a dark cave with a number of strange people who were mostly asleep, although some were stirring and retching in the dark.
I went to the closest person and tried to rouse them from their slumber, he seemed to be having some sort of nightmare. Failing to rouse him I tried to lead him out of this bad place to the light outside. But then the creature came.
A lizard man came into the cave. It is another mutant perhaps, but apparently feral and mindless. It moved quickly to strike at one of the others that lie helplessly in the dark. I could not allow this to pass. Gently setting down the norm I was carrying I moved quickly to stop this snake creature before it could slay the others.
The battle was brief, a young boy helped in a strange way, somehow lifting himself and the creature into the air. With a few powerful strikes I slew the snake. It is regrettable, I did not mean to strike it that hard. I had hoped to talk to it first, try to reason with it. But perhaps it is for the best, for surely it would have tried to kill the others had I not stopped it.
After the danger had passed, I set fire to an empty chest in the cave to bring light, and helped lead the others out of this bad place. I find myself in the company of five norms and a strange child. One of the norms, a woman, seems to be afflicted with some poisons from the snake man. I know not how to cure this, perhaps someone in the closest town can help her.
As always, the norms fear me, but I think I fear them more. It would be wrong to leave these people helpless in the wastes, so I follow them, at a distance, to keep them safe until they reach the nearest town. I don’t know where I am. I don’t know where I will go from here. But that’s not a new thing. The wastes, are a lonely place.
So the doors are bared, the bag lady that took me in is sleeping sound in her tomb, (the basement.) So I was like watching this Boris Karloff flick in the projector room for the umpteenth time. I heard a few extra hissses in there somewhere and figured I was losing it. Then bam, fade to black. And I wake up to the most grossest smell ever. I mean death, I’ve smelled death, Rot, I’ve smelled Rot. But this… It was wrong. Like nature got violated and I could hear my DNA crying already wrong.
So I figure I got abducted. Fucking Aliens…
It was dark, And did I mention the smell? Then I hear in the background the distinctive sound o spewfest, I mean remember that scene from the sandlot on the roller-coaster? Yeah… well one pops, then another, and another. And I’m feeling a bit queasy myself. So I crawl around, and Gross! My hand slip slaps down on something sticky slick.
So I go the other way, and find myself a wall. Holy atomic pile, Batman! If watching those old reels of Adam West taught me anything it was to stick to the wall. To the right I hear the Exorcist being reenacted over and over. Not wanting to slip on someones upchuck I head left instead.
After a moving along the wall I stumbled across a chest. A treasure chest? In a dark cave. Yeah I know cliché much? Anywho when in Rome. Fumbling around in the dark I strike gold. A lighter. Let there be light! I have created Fire! What no cavemen?
Not a good move I guess, because everyone in the cave realizes, hey! Look it’s a kid. And a Treasure chest! Here come the zombies, some weirdo covered in slime with rocks in his hands slinks up towards me. I tell him hey man back off. He mutters something but halfway through faceplants in his own spew. I couldn’t stop laughing.
Then bam. Lizerdmen. Well we got half our journey to the center of the earth covered at this point. And this one’s on my ass like black on a Ninja. And what do I get? More upchuck, The thing spits acid on me, What is this Aliens? Burns like hell, I’m sure. But the upside is it’s numby goodness offsets the pain. Yeah, that’s what I’d like to say anyways. Still hurts like acid though. The upchuck flings a rock my way. Lizard man makes it look like slow mo. Rock misses him by a mile.
So I send this snake cult bozo to the moon, figure he can’t spit on me if I pin him to the ceiling. It figures on grabbing me as it lifts off. Go figure guess this thing knows it’s me sending him off, I don’t even know what I am and this guy does? Well Jedi powers aside I keep us up. Maybe some of these upchucks will come help me out, What with the treasure chest being nearby and all. Nope. They all go for the treasure chest and ignore me and my new buddy snake-breath.
I’m a squirmy little cuss, but this thing is relentless. It keeps spiting, and I keep squirming, just shy of it’s aim. And along comes a jolly green giant who punches the Lizardman reject to death. I kid you not. A Mutant. Granny baghag told me about these guys. Seems like a nice guy to me. Then he works some mojo on me, my wounds go away, replaced with some plants ala swamp thing. Big guy is my new best friend as far as I’m concerned. The others don’t seem to keen on him. He calls them norms. I call them Kluges. Not that they’d know what it means. Still their afraid of the green guy, probably me to, seeing as I’ve got wicked jedi powers of my own. Nah. I’m just a little snot nosed brat, who’s afraid of the big bad brat!
So the JollyGreen giant leads us out. And then all the “norms” get all snide, who’s gonna lead us now? They say, Like the green guy who just lead us to the light of day didn’t exist past that point. Not only that they shun him. Just cuz his skin is green like. Probably would shun me to if they knew.
I’ll stick with the green guy. Looks like we are heading to some town. Bummer. More people. I wonder where the hell I am. And if I can ever find my way back to the abandoned theater I grew up in. I hope the Lizardmen didn’t eat Granny baghag…